A Letter to My Son SN3

Weekend of Shame by Charl Chotto(buddingbind@gmail.com) Who am I?@!

Dear son,

How is Nyayo campus? Eastern is cool though my retirement to this paradise of a place is not going as I had expected it to be.

Son, what is your idea of a bad weekend? If anything is to go by, then my weekend needs to go into the list of shame. The other time I had told you that I am single and searching, I bet you now know why. So around Wednesday I met this gorgeous classy lady I had been chasing after during my prime days and never took me seriously because I had no class. I am now old and to prove a point I threw her a challenge and offered to take her out so us “to know each other better.” Mark you then I did not have even a penny in my pocket. I was feeling up to the game given the kind of night my Tuesday was. That night I was cooking some fish and my neighbour next door was warming up for some soup and a kaborn to spice up his sukuma wiki.Just when I  had added some salt and about to taste the soup, the power went out and for hours. Then I remembered something about the fish that had been simmering in my pot. At home we call it Njoroge.One thing you ought to know that living around the lake is no guarantee to eat fish. You have to come to Nairobi if you want a fair bargain. People around the lake never had the entrepreneurial inspiration so one Njoroge  migrated to the Lake side and made life better by availing the bony remains of the fish after the meat has been scrapped off and sent to Nairobi. The moment you saw the fish the you remembered the scrupulous nice talking Njoroge who was the darling of the fish market so the name really befitted his wares.So weird food could be given the name of a person.But isn't the African skin colour described using the names of food-chocolate,coffe black-mine doesnt fit any where there .Otherwise,we simply called it mgongo wazi and to enjoy it you have to imagine while eating that it gas flesh all round it.

Let’s come back to our story. By Friday I had pocketed some 2K and the next dilemma was where to go to. Then I remembered the Terrific Tuesdays advert for pizza advert on Capital fm and I had never tasted some. So I picked on Galito even though I did not know where it was. We got there with my confidence soaring high because I was loaded. When the fun and dining was over, I had only KShs.200 remaining. No more fun. Thanks to my phone, it can make fake incoming calls. I told her I had something important to do with my journalism club that evening so we had to come back to KU.She knew I had run out of cash but I did not care. I was going to roast some beans as kawa and now I knew she was never my type.
Then on Sunday Man U is thrashed 3-O by Liverpool!

Son, there was a time when almost everything was turning herbal. You remember those days? Well, maybe you were young you never took notice. We had herbal 
toothpaste, herbal skin lotions, herbal hot dogs-even my nightmares almost turned herbal. Kenyan marketers and producers are just geniuses I wonder why they never made love and finding love on face book herbal too. Getting a nice woman would be nice and I would not need to go on twitter, pair matching agencies or 2go of all the places to find my miss right; it would be: do you have a herbal smile, a loaded herbal wallet and herbal sense for ladies feelings? Then here is your match. Easy and clear! But I guess they ran out of the herbal ingredient before getting to this level.

The university administration is now calling on us to propose sustainable development ideas in the campus that can help make life better. If this would have come in the herbal days, I would have proposed that they make the end semester exams and the CATs herbal too. You cannot imagine the persistent headaches and goose pimples that plague me when my semester is just about to begin after 2 months of sheer fun to be told that “Oh, tomorrow we have the Cat” yet you have never attended any class. You transnight,the CAT comes, you forget most of the points you read  only to realize that  the main exams are the following week.Suc h a times I get sick and the good doctor at the health unit knows me well. A packet of panadols is enough to work miracles for me. Such time you don’t risk going to the library. They open the place late, you are almost crushed at the door as people rush to secure the expensive and rare seats that remain empty the rest of the SEM and then nice legs are always coming and going you forget why you are there.

However, today it is the three-in-one craze. The Nescafe three-in-one tastes cool though the sugar for a guy courting diabetes like me it is so narrow. But the crème in it is good for one like me who doesn’t know the price of milk. So, like the other times in KU, this craze has picked up pretty fast. Love around here is coming wrapped as three-in-one: the hype of false love; damage to the pocket and you go dry, then third end knocks in, you are single again! And you feel like you won’t be going to Ruwes and Ngongs in search of love but the heart is such a liar!

Son,is Nyayo still as noisy as it were before. I used to find it a hell of a place to be except for the fact it was easier to keep close to my many concubines; a dash to Nyayo 1 or t2 and I am though with my routine parade inspection. Right now I wish KU had Campus service. The walk to Ngong and Ruwe back to Nyayo and then to Eastern is killing me. In those days the craze for ufas-what do call them- was so high so guys used to compete.Mukangal played loud in Nyayo 2 and somebody responded with some Luo benga in Nyayo 3 and Rock maniacs in Nyayo 4 crowned the frenzy with my good ladies in Nyayo 1 and 2 seeming oblivious to it all you thought they rated these men as lunatics of some kind. Then there was the toilet thing. In my life I have never seen toilets people have to climb when on those important shuttle diplomacy in the small rooms. Naturally, I am not a mountain climber so I found myself so much out of place.

The good news is that soon I will be leaving and I will be glad to let you have my place and orient you with the Aberdares ladies. They live in their own private world and are good in the art of “ignoring KU guys “if you do not know them you can get grossly disappointed with them.Otherwise, the place is promising for an enterprising man like but you rather get saved first to be accepted amongst the sheep. Otherwise, do not risk it. Have I said too much? See you son and be papa’s ngund mboy

Yours

Loving-Sleep-Walking-Buddy
Good-Loving-Daddy-For-Life

Charl Chotto.