A Letter To My Son5

By

 Charl Chotto(budddingmind@gmail.com)

The Crazy NaiROBBERY Living
Son,how are you?Let me hope that your Easter was cool.I was all over Nairobi with my friends with whom we painted the town red with the blood of the lamb who the pharisees decided had to die.It was a great weekend because we were philanthropic enough to raise the sales of beer  for  KBL but never spent a dime of mine on even a bottle of beer yet I partied and sang Mututho hate songs-not hate speech in any way-all weekend long.We drank and when the pain of the Lord's death got deep into our nerves we wailed and weeped.Bet you have never seen a man cry but strangely after that night out of mourning Lord's death and baying for the blood of Judas's ,I could hardly remember what had happened the previous night and I wondered too why the lose we had felt was so grave like that when the last time we listened to the pastor is such a long time.
Son,are you too on Nairobi?I am stuck here after the long weekend thinking of getting something worth while to do with myself.But as I walked in town the other evening I realized  that Nairobi is too chaotic of a place to be.It is like there is a bug with a weird madness that affects even the best of people once they set there foot in this glorious town.A friend of mine whom we were with in primary school left home when all parents with daughters were thinking of getting surveillance cameras for their homes just because of him.Later when I first arrived here from shags with an old blind jogoo for my aunt hurdled under my arm,I met him at Machakos Country Bus station preaching and even speaking in tongues.
Well that is fair enough.To be in Nairobi you have to be mad like the city itself.While home, I would take a walk so freely but in this blessed town is like every body is always running.And to make it worse it is like Nairobi is the only place in the world where you have to run at the zebra crossing if you so love your life.And the pedestrians seem to be oblivious of traffic lights even when they are to stopped they are busy running across the road while their eyes are fixed on something or somebody in the next street.And I am thinking:these people I see are immortals for them to despise death like that.Is it rudeness or is it that this is the only place  where time matters most than any other place in the world?
However,if this has surprised you,then think of the fact that a new concept has been introduced into economics alongside sex capital by the Nairobians.Now we have madness capital that can instantly make you a millionaire without bothering with KTN's Kwachu promo which only drains your precious Nairobian money without ever being sure if that milli will be yours.Take for example,The Churchill Live comedy show.It is a show of mad fellows with the craziest of all being the sensational mad man Erick Omondi.These guys have broken the traditions.When growing up no one would ever publicly display their madness like the Churchills do now.The old prophet in the village would say that you are filled with demons and keshas would be organized to exorcise the demons with a lot of tea being taken in exchange.People would never take you seriously and the corner at the market place would be reserved for you.But today madness is acceptable and it is money and it even brings fame and women closer to you. If  these fellows are not mad then they have robbed the clan of mad people who the society find unpleasant and are either left loose to roam the world or if fair enough are  taken to Mathare Mental Hospital.The comedians lot are making money and have become house-hold names out of being mad.So naturally if you find becoming a little unlike me don't bother,son.I will only be trying to be an entrepreneur.Neither when I name your upcoming younger brother Churchill Live or Hawayuni, don't blame because  I will only be becoming a little commercially crazy.The next time I will be taking our family name a notch higher when Citizen TV interviews us live to know the level of madness that inspired the name of your brother Churchil Live Hawayuni Omondi Erick.
This is the Nairobi for you and we christened it Nairobbery.Be mad and if possible have a degree for it;they are cheaper in River Road or go on screen to join the club of Jalas and the Omondi's.Otherwise I have to pen here.I have to apply for my masters in Dreams since it is not a flooded field and I might become sonko soon when I begin to help people with their nightmares of high cost of Nairobi living
Your-Sleep-Walking-Buddy
Good-Loving-Daddy-For-Life
Charl Chotto

©Charles oketch